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So. It`s been a while since I`ve written anything. It`s been a long long week, even with having Monday off. If you want to know why, go look at the things I wrote at the beginning of November last year. I`m not going to bring it up.

Anyway, I`m honestly just writing here because I ran out of other internet things to do and I don`t feel like going to bed (it`s 2:30 and I really should go to bed because my mother is coming at noon to get me tomorrow and I haven`t packed yet). We have reading week this week so I`m spending Monday to Wednesday with the Montessori school, then coming back here to get myself a week ahead in my reading. I should look into my Women`s Studies assignment too.
I cannot wait to really spend time with the staff and kids at that school. I`ve stopped in twice for fifteen minute visits (one right after Megan`s funeral at the beginning of September, then again two weeks ago on my way to an appointment), but it`s not the same. The first time was right at the end of lunch so I didn`t go down to Toddler Land (Amanda was getting the toddlers in their beds and that`s not a process I wanted to interrupt), and the preschoolers were just beginning to scrape their plates so I really only got to see the staff. The second time was right before snack so I did go down to see the toddlers as they were waking up, and I got lots of hugs from the preschoolers (tiny Sam, who I swear hasn`t grown at all since I met him in February, reminded me how much he liked my long, curly hair, in case I had forgotten), but I still didn`t really get to see them. Honestly, I have been looking forward to this week since I left on August 29th.
I cannot cannot cannot forget my camera I need new photos of those guys, and I don`t have any of Eva.
I told you guys about Eva right? She`s so tiny and soft. I need to knit her some hats and mittens for winter.
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Gonna meet Ding for breakfast at Casuarinaaaa and then prolly to town. I needa make a trip to ArtFriend to get some school stuff. What colour should I paint my nailz next? Iapos;m sick of blue D:

�

You know when you havenapos;t seen your relatives for such a long time, you tend to forget how they look like? So yesterday those people from my fatherapos;s side came over and I was like shit, this dude.. Iapos;ve seen him somewhere in school And I had nooo idea whatsoever that he was a relative. I just hope I wonapos;t end up falling in love with any of them.. Thatapos;d be pretty bad.

I borrowed 5 thick books from the library for reference and shit man, theyapos;re nothing but taking up space and time for me to go thru them all. Iapos;m still uninspired :( OK maybe I really need to start sketching ideas onto paper and not just think think think about it.


Baby you can have whatever you like~
Stupid song. Youapos;re stuck in my head.




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Nothing really went well tonight.

I got new attachments for the toilet and got it installed and it works.....but it leaks (slowly, so we can use it tomorrow).

So I go to put in the kitchen sink, cut the copper pipes to take the shutoff valves.

Well, one of the pipes is apparently a hair smaller than it should be. So now we have no water until the plumber comes in the morning. We should have it by the time the party starts.

OK, so I try to put in the bathroom sink. We thought it came with a faucet, but it didnapos;t, so I went and got one just before Menards closed. SO that would be fine except the water supply lines I have are too long.

I give up (till tomorrow morning at least).

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"Hmm.. That was quick."

Leave it to Azurite to build it so quickly. Zoisite stood outside a large building, nestled about a quarter of a mile from the Black Moon Palace. The portal that connected her husbandapos;s kingdom to her sonapos;s was only a short walk away.

"One large training room, one small training room, a kitchen and dining area, storage, and 12 small rooms. As you requested, Mom." Azurite walked towards his mother, reading off from a list he had in his hand. "All built. Itapos;s not completely ready yet, though."

Zoisite was still getting use to seeing her youngest son dressed so sharply, with his bangs slicked back. There were so many changes to the men in her life, recently. "The dorms still need to be decorated and furnished.. Right?"

Azurite nodded, "I told Ame to do all that, she seemed excited." The prince smiled. "And I still have a lot of security to install. The barriers you wanted are going to take while."

"Mn.." Zoi grinned a bit and looked to the building, "Itapos;s so lovely, Azurite.. I wouldnapos;t want the recruits to tear it down on the first day."

The young man went a bit pale, "T-they better not.."

The blonde queen blinked and laughed, "They shouldnapos;t be powerful enough, yet. But thatapos;s what the barriers are for, right? To absorb the energy from dodged blasts and the like."

Azurite nodded, still looking a little unhappy that a buncha kids might mess up his building. "Oh, did you know? Malaia is on the recruits list." He asked as he handed her a piece of paper with a list of current sign ups.

"Malaia, huh? I wonder if she can even pass the tryouts.."

The blonde woman scanned the list, "...Kusairo.. Must be Kaoliniteapos;s youngest son.. Takeshi.. That sounds familiar.." Zoisite looked to the first name.

"Ah, mom.. You know that grin is kinda unnerving.." Az said as he watched his mother.

"Hmm?" Zoi blinked and looked to her son, "Oh.." A soft chuckle, "Sorry.. Just that I think Iapos;ve found someone I want to train personally."

"Uh huh.." Azurite felt sorry for whoever the Takeshi person was. His mother reminded him of a cat stalking and getting ready to pounce on a fat mouse.

Zoi shook her head and hugged her son, making the piece of paper vanish. "Thanks for all the work." She said as she walked back towards the palace.

Revenge was going to be sweet.

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Few things.

Went back to YTSS�to see Ms Chiang. She looks fine. I find it hard to find suitable words to describe the visit, because, it seems just as the usual. Good old times.

Logged on to register for the MOE�Scholarship Seminar. After I registered I kind of wondered why I am going, because I went to read up and basically, you need to offer 10-11 units. Iapos;m offering 10 now. I�have sort of decided not to go for 11 anymore. So... Hmmm. But I�guess itapos;ll be wasted if I�donapos;t use the invitation properly. Ohwell... Elijah also got the invitation, so weapos;re going to go together. Hopefully you yu can go with us, but he has some physics olympiad thing.

I spent some time thinking about the teaching career. Iapos;ll say that one of the last career Iapos;ll ever thought of myself being in would be teaching. I donapos;t know, after all the nightmares Iapos;ve seen my teachers�went through, Iapos;ve never once found it attractive. However, the scholarship is great. It really would send you overseas ( which is what I�want) but you have to, of course, serve some years of bond as a teacher. Which is alright I�guess... Itapos;s not that bad, might even be enjoyable/fun/meaningful. I�will put my faith in whoever that said teaching is a calling�

I am not really sure how many people got it every year. I hope itapos;ll be different from the PSC scholarships, because the last time I�checked(5 minutes ago), all those who got the PSC scholarships are from all the top JCs. Thereapos;s only one amazing( perhaps lucky) student from AJC who got it as wellin 2008. (Believe me, I�checked at least 3 years of the list) The rest, ... Hmmm.�I�am starting to wonder why Iapos;m in the scholars development programme already.

Anyway, thatapos;s that. HAHA. I often wonder if a scholarship is a real thing or not. Itapos;s not really about inferiority if by now, youapos;re thinking it is. Itapos;s just all the facts thatapos;s staring out at you; can you imagine yourself getting something like that if youapos;re just another ordinary student(which I am)? Whenever someone told me they are going for a scholarship, I would think to myself if theyapos;ve really done their homework before making that goal. Hopefully yes, because they wouldnapos;t like to feel the disappointment and shock later on.

During such times, I�find it hard for me to even be my usual self; confident and always thinking that everything is possible if you really want it to happen. Itapos;s difficult to be that way during times like this, because youapos;re now 17 and you roughly know and heard enough about reality from our cooler-than-thou adults around us and you really have to be more realistic. Is that what I�can have someday in future?

Maybe Iapos;ll continue to stubbornly protest that as long as I work REALLY�REALLY�hard, it will be possible.
I�guess I�never thought that this sort of optimism is alot more difficult to master than I�thought.

However, this reality will be put somewhere in my head. Somewhere far far behind, hidden behind all my precious brain tissues. This sort of information wouldnapos;t stop me from working hard still, of course, even if the prospect of a scholarship is very far away currently. Afterall, that is not what Iapos;m working so hard for. But Iapos;m going to do better next year, because I�honestly honestly enjoyed all of it. Studying, that is.


Less serious stuff aside, I�watched MA�MA�MIA The Movie today. Like finally, I�watched that movie. I�really love musicals. The movie is awesome. I�love all the singing and all the hot guys. How did Pierce Brosnan age so handsomely? His eyes are of the most beautiful blue ever. the older ladies who could sing and dance so well. the perhaps, 1000 hot bodies. HAHAHA (�now I know why I donapos;t belong to the working-hard-for-a-scholarship type; too much air in my head)� Oh man, who cares I love all these movies. Itapos;s making me anxious for High School Musical 3. Only this time, no older people singing, but young people, young and HOT people. Yes If youapos;ll just excuse all the hyperventilating, because you know, I�want to enjoy myself properly before Iapos;m too serious for such things.

Theatre, Showbiz, Music, THE�ARTS; I love all of it.

Ma Ma Mia Here I go again,
My My, How can I resist you?

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We walk forward as if itapos;s a bridge to the far aways we discuss:
the abstracts. �

my ear phone is a bridge to her,
and sheapos;s smiling like she knows all thatapos;s left is Brooklyn.

but I�deny, deny. �moments are�bridges falling�
like splitting threads.

and we were high on the freedom from sense,
our limbs shifting random--

for once,
a moment without vodka or no-hours sleep.

we link arms in the park,
pretending-- lungs weak.

I wish we could have thudded into the water
to be consumed,

painted blue-green, encased, and left to float�
in our jackets full of film, and yellow,

as if weapos;d brought light.

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Iapos;m feeling much better today.I made some new friends today so i donapos;t feel so bad about my "best friend" being sick of me.
The new friends i made seem really nice and i think thereapos;s potential for me and them to become quite close. Itapos;s amazing how much we have in common.. It wasnapos;t even weird that I was the only girl amidst them. It still hurts to feel rejected by my other friend, but making new ones definately eases the pain.

Foodwise, things are okay. Iapos;m not eating as much as I should..but at least Iapos;m eating and keeping it down. Exercise is consistent. I feel okay about uni work at the moment because Iapos;ve made arrangements with some people to help me study before exams. Honestly, I think the fact that my "best friend" wanted to get away from me has benifited me in that it motivated me to contact people that will help me out with exams.

I donapos;t feel so alone. Obviously I miss not having someone to talk to as confortably as i did with him, but Iapos;ll cope. Iapos;m trying to stay positive. Today I reaslised just how impressionable I am. I really need to undergo some kind of journey of self-disocovery because this cameleon thing isnapos;t doing my identity any favours. Having no sense of self makes me cling to my ED tighter and thatapos;s not a good thing.
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Hey yapos;all, been lurking for a while and finally decided it was time to post. No duh,�I hate Twilight with a passion, (itapos;s obviously why Iapos;m here) so I donapos;t need to go on that rant. Iapos;ve converted three people into Antis (oh yeah) and have finally decided to make it known to everyone at my school that I hate Twilight. My way of showing it:

My Halloween costume - an Anti-Twilighter.

Iapos;ve already employed friendapos;s brother as my bodyguard that day so I donapos;t get killed by the insane fangirls (there are soooo many in my choir, itapos;s almost unbelievable) and thrown in a dumpster. My friend has also agreed to be an Anti with me. Weapos;re thinking about having headbands, wristbands, sparkly glow-in-the-dark t-shirts, all red, black, and white. Weapos;re just having a little difficulty coming up with what to say on our t-shirts. So I actually have two questions.

Does anyone have any suggestions for t-shirt sayings?

And is anyone else going as a Rabid Twitard/Anti/or a character from Twilight or know anyone who is?

Peace out

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Wow. I think Iapos;ve read through the book of Matthew about a million times. I have memorized most of the parables, and much of Jesusapos; life. The one thing I apparently never did was READ Matthew. I always took everything as it was told to me, I never really looked at what was being said. The book of Matthew is truly amazing. So many things have been revealed to me through it. And itapos;s all because I started looking for the verses where Jesus calls the disciples to "make disciples of all nations.." you know the one, well, I stumbled across Matthew 10 in the meantime. Truly amazing. I canapos;t even begin to explain the effect His words in that chapter effected me. I felt like He was talking directly to me. I feel so insanely called right now. I need to go into ministry. And when I was looking into Belmontapos;s majors and minors, I found a youth min minor??? Talk about Godapos;s calling He is definitely telling me something. So, Iapos;ve decided to double minor in Youth Min and Photography Iapos;m so excited And, something amazing happened last night I went to a Cool Hand Luke CD release party, which was at their bass players house? weird, I know.. But anyway. I went with some Belmont kids, because Matt had told me about it. It was a good time, I met Matt and Chris there, and we were talking about some random stuff. They started talking about what they could do for their CD release party, because they are in the process of making their first EP (Iapos;ll send it to you when it comes out.. Promise). Matt asked when they were going to be getting pictures taken for the CD and their Myspace and stuff. I turned around, all smilely, and ask if they happen to need a photographer. Chris said they had one, but then he realized that the one Nate, the lead singer had gotten, was not going to work out at all, for some reason or another.. And he told me I could totally do it for them. Iapos;m charging them one dinner with the whole band. Sweet deal, I thought. Chris wants to see some of my work, because they have to be professional about this, but he said I am probably their best/only option. I was SO pumped I canapos;t wait This is what Iapos;ve been waiting for This is what Iapos;ve been dreaming of And I can finally do it This may be the only time I ever get to do it, or this could just be the start of a career, either way, it will be awesome

Iapos;ll post later with some great verses from Matthew that really got to me, but for now I must study for my test in 20 minutes.. Haha.
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